NO LONGER BROKEN, VICTORIOUS INSTEAD! (Past writings)

 

 

IMG_2007Lord, I confess to You that I love ice cream! I love how it tastes! I love how it feels in my mouth! I also confess to You that I ate two pork chops last night at supper, then I ate chocolate cup cakes and cookies for desert. Lord, I ate all that due to stress and frustration! I am so frustrated, depressed, and disappointed! I feel entrapped in a job that is no longer satisfying.  I am full of doubt, especially self-doubt. If the sacrifices of God are a broken spirit, and a broken contrite heart, then I guess I qualify for I certainly feel broken! I feel broken in my spirit for sure and I have no willpower! I am just a broken vessel that cannot hold water!

I am just too tired and defeated by the enemy to help anyone else with encouragement! How can I help those You have placed in my life, when I have nothing in my hand to offer them? I have watched as several of my friends struggled. I don’t even know how they are surviving, I just want to cry! But I am so weak and broken myself, how can I help them?

—– Then Jesus said “Come to Me, all you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you. Let Me teach you, because I am humble and gentle at heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy to bear and the burden I give you is light.”   Matthew 11:28-30 NLT

My Lord, I have been so whiney and cried, “Poor, poor, pitiful me!” I admit my rotten attitude and that I have put my face down in the feeding trough. I have been so tired and I hate going to work! Why can’t we just liquidate all our assets and run away to the Caribbean for a life of luxury?

(My child, you still don’t trust Me! That is why you feel as though you are drowning in despair, you are trying to get through life in your own power. Look to Me for your strength and peace, for I will bring you through! My son, Noah was in a flood overwhelmed by his responsibilities to care for all! He saw complete destruction, are you better than he? My son, Moses wandered in a desert trying to take care of a complaining, demanding multitude. Are you better than he? My son, Joseph spent time in prison for a crime he did not commit. He was innocent, are you better than he? My one and only birth son, Jesus fasted in the desert for 40 days. But you get ice cream, pork chops, cake, and cookies? I ask you, are you better than He?)

Lord, it is true! I am a whiney brat!  As long as everything  goes my way, I am happy! But let one thing not go my way and I become angry, resentful, and disobedient to You. Oh Lord, I am truly an unworthy child! There are people suffering everywhere from loss of income, death, cancer, weather catastrophes, earthquakes, and even persecution! They are dealing with it, but I still have my luxuries of life and I’m whining about it all! Lord, what is wrong with me?

Oh, lets not forget about my disobedience to You either! I just eat whatever my heart desires because it is there! Lord, I know I have only eaten two meals today, but one lasted almost two hours! Come on, that’s not supper, that is a binge! Lord, I have chosen food over You! I have thrown it all away just for more food! Lord, You have done nothing but bless me and I have been a rebellious child! I chose my way instead of yielding myself to You! Lord, change me, change my attitude, change my heart, change me so that I long to obey You in all things! I will humbly work at whatever it is that You have planned for me. Is there any hope for me even though I followed my own selfish ways instead of Yours?

(My child, I am your friend, not your enemy! I love you and I know what is best for you! I know the plans I have for you, plans for a hope and a future. I will lift this spirit of depression from your shoulders and instead, I will give you a sense of purpose. Concerning your job, you are exactly where I have placed you for now. When I open a door for you to go out, you will know. Until then, minister to those with you as you would to Me.

Even though you consider yourself a failure this week, I don’t see you as a failure. I see you learning through these errors of decisions. You are learning to bring everything to Me, even your failures. You are learning that you have no strength within  yourself, therefore you come to Me with your weaknesses in your hands. This is My hearts’ desire, that My children bring to Me their weaknesses! For as they give Me their weaknesses, I will multiply their strength. For “I AM”  and I know your weakness will become perfect through My strength. Even though you consider yourself a failure, it pleases Me that you have brought unto Me your failures. When you bring Me the broken, only then can I fix it. It pleases Me that you have reached the “end of yourself”. Now, I can work out My will. Now I can work out all things for My glory! Never be afraid to bring Me your failures and weaknesses, for I, and I alone can turn these failures into victories! I hold your victory in My hand! It is only as you come to Me that you are able to receive. Open your hand and your heart to Me so that I may give unto you all that I am “Victory”!

—– Then they cried out to the Lord in their trouble, and He saved them out of their distresses. He sent His word and healed them, and delivered them from their destructions.     Psalm 107: 19-20 NKJV

—– Likewise the Spirit also helps us in our weaknesses . . . . . . And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose.           Romans 8:26, 28 NKJV

 

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About deborahcrocker

I am a retired public school teacher. I have been married for 44 years to my high school sweet heart. We have two grown children and six grandchildren. For many years I have written my prayers in order to maintain both my focus and as a release from my stresses. These prayers are written in the form of dialog with God. I write my concerns, questions, and then write the answers just as they came into my heart. This website contains the conversations I had with God concerning my constant struggle with my weight and my compulsion to overindulge in the pleasure of food. I have gained, lost, and regained over 60lbs several times throughout my lifetime. I am now in the process of surrendering this addiction to God’s control and I know He will give me the victory. I believe that God speaks to all of His children in different ways. With me, He speaks both in my heart and in my dialog writings. ”My sheep hear My voice, and I know them, and they follow Me.” John 10:27 It is my hope and prayer that these dialogs will both encourage and bless you throughout your own journey of breaking free from your addiction. I hope that you will also begin having your own personal dialogs with God. He will speak to your heart as well.I believe that Jesus Christ died on the cross for our sins and that He rose again on the third day so that we may have a “new” life both here on Earth and later in Heaven. I also believe that my overeating (gluttony) is a sin (addiction) that has held me in bondage with a constant struggle for most of my adult life. This addiction, like all addictions, has prevented me from living a life to my fullest potential. I have always felt controlled and defeated by this overwhelming compulsion to overeat. This compulsion, at times, has damaged both my confidence and my potential. John 10:10 The thief does not come except to steal, and to kill, and to destroy. I have come that they may have life and that they may have it more abundantly. BUT I know that Jesus Christ has come to set me free! HE IS THE ANSWER! As I surrender the control of my life and desires to His direction and His will, He will set me free from all addictions! He promises and He will make you free too! John 8:36 Therefore, if the Son makes you free, you shall be free indeed. VICTORY IS COMING!!!
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