Feeding the Tiger, Fighting the Lions

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Lord, long before the 92 pounds left , I was hopelessly tied up by the gluttony monster and he kept me trapped. He wasn’t about to let me go. I had given up with no hope of ever breaking free. Just like the elephant tied with a small  rope to a stake in the ground. The gluttony monster kept me locked in the cage of defeat. It would have been easy to break away, but due to all my previous attempts that ended in failure I was hopeless.

I asked the leader of a recovery group, an ex-drug addict to be my sponsor. Then after I confessed a relapse and my second binge, she shook her head and said, “I can’t work with you. You need to get another sponsor. I know how to help drug addicts because I was a drug addict, but I don’t know about food addiction. I can’t help you.”

I stared at her in shock and disbelief. I felt rejected by an ex-drug addict.  As she continued talking, I shut my ears and struggled to keep control of my emotions. I looked at the floor in shame and embarrassment fighting tears.

She continued, “I know it’s hard. A drug addict can lock the tiger in the cage and with God’s help walk away forever. But someone with a food addiction has to take the tiger out three times a day, feed it, and pet it before they put it back in the cage. Food addiction is so hard to get over and I don’t have the knowledge to help you. I don’t know how.”IMG_5479

By now I had lost the battle with my tears and some escaped down the my face. I sighed a deep breath to regain my composure, “I’ve got to go.”

“You’re not staying for the meeting?’

“No, I can’t,” sighing deeply trying not to cry, “I’m going home now to keep from embarrassing myself any further. Bye.”

Then I turned and ran fleeing to the car. Tears streamed freely now.  No longer could I contain them. Once I was safely in the car behind locked doors, I screamed between the loud  broken sobs. I felt broken and hopeless. Three days later I was still crying.

Another member of the support group invited me to lunch. While we ate our salads, she shared about her struggles with food addiction. “It’s okay to cry. You’ve just realized you have a food addiction. It’s called ‘Taking the first step,’ admitting you have a problem.” Before lunch was over I began to hope again.

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Thank you Lord for helping me. You defeated that tiger and destroyed it’s power over me. I may feed the tiger three times a day, but the power of food addiction no longer has me in bondage. I’m free now.

Now the roaring lions show up. I’m so overwhelmed by the size of the “to do” list. At times it looks like a huge mountain I’ll never climb over. As I meet one goal, another one stands in front of me. Sometimes I get overwhelmed as I look at it all.  The “to do” lion roars at me.

At times, I’m convinced this computer is demon possessed. Last weekend I was sick, and still trying to work. I got so angry, it took all my self-control to keep from throwing it on the floor and stomping it to pieces. Why am I so tech challenged? What takes me several hours to figure out how, children complete in minutes. The computer lion roars at me.

Relationships, Lord I’m spending so much time on these projects, I feel like I’m neglecting my family. Hubby makes comments about my nose always being in the phone. I feel guilty, but yet I’m compelled to keep on. I’ve noticed that if I’m around someone on their phone, I’ve got to get mine out and look at it too! Facebook, email, texts, blogs,and the latest news, they all roar at me for attention. Do you think I’m addicted to my phone?

Feelings of inadequacy attack me daily. I messed up and did not respond to that person correctly. I feel they don’t like me. Help me give all the right answers and do all the right things. Inadequacy roars at me.

My child, your enemy is a roaring lion. Remember the TV preacher that said Satan was an old lion with broken teeth. Lions without teeth roar the loudest to cause fear. That’s how they defeat their victims, thorough fear.  Don’t be afraid, go forth in courage.

Yes Sir.

My child, I AM the Lion of Judah, the King of Kings. I’m on your side. Those broken lions are no threat to you. Why do you consider them? How many time s have I told you ‘Don’t look at what you see, instead look at Me’?  I am the answer to all your questions. I am the source to supply all your needs. Now go forth  and walk in victory, for I am your victory.

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Be sober, be vigilant, because your adversary the devil walks about like a roaring lion, seeking whom he may devour. Resist him, steadfast in the faith, knowing that the same sufferings are experienced by your brotherhood in the world. But may the God of all grace, who called us to His eternal glory by Christ Jesus, after you have suffered a while, perfect, establish, strengthen, and settle you. I Peter 5: 9-10 NKJV

The lions may roar and growl,
yet the teeth of the great lions are broken. Job 4:10 NIV

. . . See, the Lion of the tribe of Judah, the Root of David, has triumphed. . . Revelations 5: 5 NIV

On His robe and on His thigh He His Name written: KING OF KINGS AND LORD OF LORDS. Revelations 19: 16 NIV

About deborahcrocker

I am a retired public school teacher. I have been married for 44 years to my high school sweet heart. We have two grown children and six grandchildren. For many years I have written my prayers in order to maintain both my focus and as a release from my stresses. These prayers are written in the form of dialog with God. I write my concerns, questions, and then write the answers just as they came into my heart. This website contains the conversations I had with God concerning my constant struggle with my weight and my compulsion to overindulge in the pleasure of food. I have gained, lost, and regained over 60lbs several times throughout my lifetime. I am now in the process of surrendering this addiction to God’s control and I know He will give me the victory. I believe that God speaks to all of His children in different ways. With me, He speaks both in my heart and in my dialog writings. ”My sheep hear My voice, and I know them, and they follow Me.” John 10:27 It is my hope and prayer that these dialogs will both encourage and bless you throughout your own journey of breaking free from your addiction. I hope that you will also begin having your own personal dialogs with God. He will speak to your heart as well.I believe that Jesus Christ died on the cross for our sins and that He rose again on the third day so that we may have a “new” life both here on Earth and later in Heaven. I also believe that my overeating (gluttony) is a sin (addiction) that has held me in bondage with a constant struggle for most of my adult life. This addiction, like all addictions, has prevented me from living a life to my fullest potential. I have always felt controlled and defeated by this overwhelming compulsion to overeat. This compulsion, at times, has damaged both my confidence and my potential. John 10:10 The thief does not come except to steal, and to kill, and to destroy. I have come that they may have life and that they may have it more abundantly. BUT I know that Jesus Christ has come to set me free! HE IS THE ANSWER! As I surrender the control of my life and desires to His direction and His will, He will set me free from all addictions! He promises and He will make you free too! John 8:36 Therefore, if the Son makes you free, you shall be free indeed. VICTORY IS COMING!!!
This entry was posted in Desiring God, lastest post, Spirituality, weight loss and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

13 Responses to Feeding the Tiger, Fighting the Lions

  1. What a beautiful testimony 😊 Deborah, I admire your resilience and courage. Beating food addiction is not a small feat.

  2. atimetoshare says:

    I so needed these words today. I started a new diet with great resolve and after only a few short weeks had lost 7 pounds and fell into a feeling of satisfaction. I then started to slowly let my addiction take hold again. I have always suffered with this disease. I think I was born fat and grew up always concerned about my weight. I have always been a slave to dieting but results are only temporary. Now that I’m in my 70s you’d think I’d just give up, but I know these extra 40 pounds are not good for my health. I need some prayers. Thanks for being such a good role model.

  3. Julie Harris says:

    Thank you for sharing your powerful testimony! I have always struggled with food, but am praising God for His strength to help me stay on track! Thank you for your transparency and for always sharing your story with us. Blessings to you❤️

  4. Shina Smith says:

    Thank you for sharing this. I needed to hear this. Such an on going battle for me,.but I find strength in the fact that God is the same yesterday, today and forever and what He has done for you He can do for me and break the chain’s of food addiction. Such a blessing to read this.

  5. Pingback: Fortune Unfounded… | a cooking pot and twistedtales

    • Thank you so much for placing a link to my blog. You are so kind and I am honored. Thank you. All I can say is that God is so good and I give Him all the credit for the miracle He has done in my life.

  6. susieshy45 says:

    Debbie,
    I have been reading your book and taking notes- its reinstated my faith in Christ and I am spending more time reading the word and following it these days. I am praying for my own weight loss- I need to lose at least 25kgs which is more than 50 pounds. Please pray for me.
    Susie

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